Testimony

Tonight I have just been so so happy and felt Heavenly Father's love so much.  I had a great conversation with a dear (and inspired) friend Tara.  At the end of our conversation she asked me if I felt Heavenly Father's love? And if I know Who's I am?.  The past month or 2 have been some of the most difficult of my life, truly stretching me so much! There are circumstances from my past that still cause pain and learning to deal with those requires growth and change and that is a difficult process.  I have had to learn to truly rely on Him to strengthen me and change my heart to accept some things and even more than accept to love myself through it and realize there isn't actually something wrong with me and that the parts of me I felt were flawed are actually potential positive aspects and gifts.  Sometimes we wonder why certain things happen and especially the timing.  There have been some days where I have truly felt like I just had to endure because the happiness wasn't coming/wasn't there.  But this afternoon I felt a shift.  Nothing about the circumstances changed in fact the same trouble-some situation was brought to my attention again, but it didn't effect me as drastically as it has other times and I was actually able to truly see the positive authentically instead of trying unsuccessfully to convince myself.  Tonight as I have been cleaning I have felt so much joy and peace.  I feel like as we scoop out the parts of ourselves that need healing it allows Heavenly Father to fill those parts with more love and compassion for ourselves and for everyone around us.  I have now reached a point where I am grateful for the circumstance I am in because it has strongly encouraged my relationship with Heavenly Father!  I just felt the need to record my feelings because I want to remember these feelings.  I am learning on different levels that I AM HEAVENLY FATHER'S and He LOVES me so much! I KNOW He is there, He has heard my prayers! Even on days when He didn't change my feelings or the circumstance as I prayed I felt peace and buoyed up.  I know He carries us through and I trust Him more and more.  I saw some music videos tonight that also really strengthened me.  One was actually a little girl singing the Martina McBride song "I'm Gonna Love You Through it" to her mom who has cancer.  It just reminded me of the pure love children have and I am so beyond blessed to have my 3 kids! They give me so much love and encouragement and such a reason to keep going and keep growing and fighting for what I know they need and deserve.  When I feel like giving up I truly can't because they deserve so much more than that.  I think about each of their little faces and their personalities and I know they were sent to me for a reason-to teach me and strengthen me and STRETCH me in different ways.  I am learning to enjoy the little moments more and more and hopefully spend my time doing what I am supposed to-being with them.  I just want them to always always always know that they are the bright spot in my days and in my life.  The funny, sweet, random things they tell me make life so sweet and I would hate to imagine life without any of them so I am grateful for temples and again for Heavenly Father providing us the way to be together eternally!!